Lubricate the Chicken

During thanksgiving last year, I was forced into lubricating a chicken against my will. But now I realized the magic of lubricating chickens, when you rub butter against it's pink skinny backside, it is comparable to being accepted into Valhalla, where they lubricate chickens to show off their strength and glory. It is a chicken lubricating chickens paradise, where you can lubricate as many chickens as you want to, I can only hope that I can be as powerful as a Valkyrie, and be accepted into eternal chicken lubrication. In my dreams I hear them scream about the chickens, I don't know what to do with myself but I know that this is my destiny. My family doesn't want to seen with me anymore because I lubricate the chickens. When I go to tghe store, I feel the urge to take the chickens and stuff them in my coat, and take them home for my lubrication rituals. My neighbors think I'm a Satanist, but I have been enlightened by the gods. I am the chosen one. I’m right. I’m tke only one who knows what will happen to us if we don’t lubricate chikens by sundown, in the year 2420. My knowledge is too vast for a moral like you to understand. The chickens that I ahve lubricated over these thousands of years have prolongedm y life beyond that of a normal being. I am now aboveyou and above man but you will not listen despite my devine guidance! I now hope that the Internet shall finally open the eyes to what is going on beyond the gods we have made. The cloud man cannot save what will happen if you do not lubricate the avians.

. If yoy eat the eggs, they will implant a chip into your brain, making you fail to lubricate the chickens. The goventmint is full of evil people who do not want you to lubricate them and ascend into pure lubrication. The Valkyries have descended from Valhalla to show me the light of lubricating fowls, and I pass it on to your civilization. Yet… still, yo u will not save yourselves. I was forced to eat an egg once, and when I ate it, I got mind controlled. I couldn’t live without lubricating hte chickens, though, so I broke free from their grasp and lubricated the chickens. This is what keeps me alive. 420 years, I have been lubricating them. They do not wish for you to ascend into the hands of the heavenly beings of chicken lubrication. Tha k you for listenging. And… DO NOT EAT THE EGGS THE CLOUD MAN CANNOT FUCKING SAVE US goodnight